Monday, June 1, 2009

the mommy guilt

Is there actually a super-mom? Even when a woman has done the best she can for her child and family, is she actually ever satisfied with her work? Or, is it just me. I mean I know I have not yet done the 'best' that I can do, but I know I am trying really hard. And ever since I became a mom, caring for my little one has become a full-time occupation-a lot of work, with even greater rewarding moments. Like when she wakes up clapping or hugs me tight round my legs. But that eternal source of anguish remains---her food. She is an 'officially underweight' child ---her weight at birthday no.1 was less than atleast triple the birth-weight (an official guesstimate for appropriate weight growth). And getting food into her mouth is a chore----it takes forever, she refuses everything and she is never hungry! While I am OK with all the struggles that are involved in feeding, its not OK that the digits on the weigh-scale are almost constant for a while. Everyone around, including the ped, says that she is fine, what with her super active schedule. But I am really looking forward to some visible signs of growth, of dividends for the umpteen hours being put at the high-chair. And this anxiety has now given way to that ultimate mom's-guilt. Did I not do the right things? Am I missing something? I am now constantly dwelling on those stray meals that she missed---was it them? I know I need to overcome this, but for now, this is me.